Author: Darby Brennan
Format: Quintuple drabble
Hatstand Archive: No thank you
Circuit Archive: No thank you
Pros-Lib: No thank you
Summary: Set after Fall Girl. Still perplexed by what he sees as Doyle's betrayal, Bodie tries to work out why Doyle did what he did in the way he did it.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, nor am I making any money from them. I simply borrow them from time to time.
Why did he do it?
I know why Cowley did what he did. Sly old bugger, his priorities are different from mine.
I'm not even that surprised by Marikka. After all, she betrayed me once, why not twice? God she really suckered me good. Never should have trusted her. Never should have trusted anyone. But at the end of the day, she doesn't matter. I'm sorry she's dead, even though she did betray me. Still wouldn't have wished that on her. But maybe it's better she is, for her sake.
No, it's Doyle who surprised me. Ray Doyle, my partner, my best mate and my lover; least he's meant to be. The one person who I always thought would never let me down. Never lie to me. Never betray me.
So why did he do it?
I know Cowley told him to, but he could have obeyed without doing so completely. Could have done enough to keep the Old Man happy, and still not let me down. We're good at that; do it often. Least we used to. Not sure anymore. Not sure if I can still trust him. Not sure I want to.
Thought about going round to his place and having it out with him. But decided not to. If I'd gone, I'd have said too much. And no matter what he's done, I still love the little sod.
Guess I have to decide if I love him enough.
If I can still trust him.
If I want to.
He rang me earlier. Tried to explain. Said he was sorry. Said he was only following Cowley's orders. Said he was trying to keep me safe. I hung up on him. Least he tried.
And damn him. He was trying to keep me safe. Know that. Deep down. Just still don't know why he did it like he did.
Why didn't he find a way to tell me what was going on? I'd have listened. Okay, maybe I wouldn't. Specially not if he tried to tell me Marikka was up to something. Loved her once. Loved her and she betrayed me.
Should have learnt my lesson.
More fool me.
Never loved her like I love Ray.
Never loved anyone like I love him.
Don't think I ever could.
But is it enough? Is love enough if trust's gone?
Has trust gone?
Has it really gone?
Guess not. Not really. Not if I'm honest.
Can't put one thing against all the other times he's been there for me. Backing me up; supporting me; looking out for me; saving my life. So, he screwed up this time. Still don't know why, but we all make mistakes.
Got to try and forgive and forget, as me mam used to say. "Sleep on it, William, things will look a lot different in the morning," she'd say. And they usually did. Good woman was me mam.
Reckon that's what I'll do.
Sleep on it.
Maybe in the morning I can stop asking why.