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Fic: "All the way back home" by jaycat

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12 September 2009 | 23:12
posted by: constant_muse in the_safehouse


A hasty, unbeta'd fic for Sunday. My excuse is that  my computer is out of action, so my WIPs, and pics, are inaccessible, but I could write something new. Last night I had to drive 180 miles as a round trip through the Welsh hills, I needed something to think of on the way home ...



Title:
All the way back home at midnight

Author:
jaycat
Format: ficlet (920 words)
Circuit Archive: yes Pros-Lib: yes
Slash/Gen:
slash (but just soppy)
Pairing:
Bodie/Doyle

Summary: Bodie thinks about love.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bodie, Doyle or CI5 characters. I just like to borrow them and give them back.
Unbeta’d, so entirely my responsibility.


8.30 am

Look at you, Doyle, strolling across the caff in my direction, with our tea and bacon sarnies on a tray.  Neither of us got to bed last night. I feel like the creature from the black lagoon, but you – a shower, a shave and a change of clothes, and you’re fresh as a daisy. All ready to get up and at ‘em. That waitress is beaming for once, just because you treated her to your crooked grin.  Could be those jeans you’re wearing, too.

 

Wonder what it would be like to wake up with you. Not every morning, of course, that would be too cosy and domestic. But just once in a while…

 

Love? No, I’d have to be a fool to love. It’s lust. I’ve learnt not to confuse desire with love.

 

3 pm

Bloody hell, Doyle. Carry on interrogating like this and we’ll have a suspicious death in Home Office custody on our hands. Not that you’d lay a finger on him, you’re much too clever for that.

 

I’ll stand here by the door, unmoving, looking surly and menacing. If you need me to do anything more, you’ll let me know just by your body language.

 

Hope the poor bugger doesn’t have a heart condition. He’s terrified, but he’s talking. At this rate we’ll have this sordid little operation intercepted and closed down tonight in time for last orders, and maybe even get to bed after.

 

There’s nothing wrong with your heart, Ray. I mean, the reason you do this job. For some of us it’s just a living. Some get a kick out of bullying and hurting. But for you it’s a quest to make this worn-out old country a better place, to save Mr and Mrs Average from the drugs and guns and bombs. You even feel for the crims and their families. And after all that caring for people you don’t even know, you’ve still got the heart to care about me. You come after me when I run from you, even when I push you away. Still, what does that mean?

 

That I love you for it? I’m patently not a fool, so I do not fall in love. It’s not the thing for me.

 

 

7 pm

I should never have got cornered in this filthy warehouse. Can’t hold off two of them with the ammo I’ve got left and so little cover. One shot, two. That’s Ray’s gunfire, from over by the doorway. One thug down and the other one running for it. Christ, I couldn’t have managed a shot like that, from that distance.

 

All over now. I can hear the sirens – ambulance, police – on their way. You’re staggering across the dusty space to me. We meet in the middle and I take your arm, look you up and down, check you’re okay.  Green eyes, wide and manic, meet mine and you sway towards me…

 

Bloody hell, it’s the R/T.

 

“3.7? Come in, 3.7.”

 

“3.7 here. Go ahead.”

 

“Mr Cowley’s orders: When you’ve dealt with the London end, go to Dover. You and 4.5 can help intercept the consignment there.”

 

“Small problem. Our transport’s been shot up, before we took cover here.”

 

“No problem, 3.7. Lucas and McCabe are outside. Suggest you go with them.”

 

“Will do, over.”

 

A moment ago we were falling over with fatigue, but now the adrenalin kicks in again.

 

I grin at you. “Come on, sunshine, let’s see if McCabe wants to pick up a couple of hitchhikers.”

 

You laugh, “Thumbs out?”

 

“Well don’t show a leg, that’ll put him right off.”

 

 

Midnight

Peace at last, and quiet and comfort, sinking deeper into the upholstery in the back seat while McCabe eases through the outskirts of Dover towards the open road and home.

 

Oi, gerroff, Ray, heavy, you are. Oh, you’re asleep.

 

You’re sleeping on my shoulder. My left shoulder, in the back seat of a Ford Escort speeding up the A2, seems to be the most natural place in the world for you to give in to exhaustion, put your head down and go to sleep. You trust me that much.

 

Wish I could turn to see your face, but it might wake you, and Lucas would wonder what I was doing. Oh, he’s nodded off, too, and McCabe’s eyes are firmly on the white lines ahead.  I can just feel you breathing softly. Your lips are parted a little, just like a child tucked up in bed, safe and innocent. Mind you, you’re so mucky if you were a kid your mum would have put you in the bath first.

 

If I move my arm carefully, put it around you, you’ll be more comfortable. There, that’s better. Still asleep.

 

Lay your sleeping head, my love, human on my faithless arm…

 

Auden was queer, I bet that’s about a young man, too.

 

But in my arms till break of day, let the living creature lie,

Mortal, guilty, but to me the entirely beautiful.

 

Let’s hope we get there a bit before break of day, but don’t hurry, McCabe. If you want to go the long way, or we have to queue for roadworks, it won’t bother me. We’re fine, here in the back seat. Don’t want Ray to wake up yet, he needs the sleep, and I…

 

I can deal with lust, admiration, respect, anything but this… this complete and utter trust he has in me. I’d be a fool not to love him.

 

Note: Inspired by a two-hour drive home along the Welsh border on a luminous Friday evening, with the Pet Shop Boys “Liberation” as the soundtrack:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-zR9RVHjmQ

as well as my favourite lines of poetry.

.
Tags:

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Comments {54}

byslantedlight

(no subject)

from: byslantedlight
date: 12 September 2009 22:34 (UTC)
Link

Oh, yeay and yeay for Pros in my flist! And a little fic in my flist, and oh, Doyle sleeping on Bodie's shoulder ast eh night flashes past... love it - thank you very much! *g*

Driving's good, innit? *vbg*

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 12 September 2009 23:36 (UTC)
Link

yay for lots of Pros posts this weekend.
Glad you liked that.
I used to listen to Radio 4 while driving, always, but now I prefer to entertain myself *g*

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sc_fossil

(no subject)

from: sc_fossil
date: 12 September 2009 23:19 (UTC)
Link

Ahhh, that was wonderful. Bodie's sure that he's not in love, but in spite of telling himself that, by the end of the day, he knows better. Well done. Thanks.

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 12 September 2009 23:37 (UTC)
Link

Thank you!
I'm sure 'I'm not in love' has been done to death, but...

Reply | Parent | Thread

... blood, sweat, and flowers ...

(no subject)

from: zana16
date: 12 September 2009 23:20 (UTC)
Link

I love how a typical day in CI5 inevitably includes a shootout. :)

This is a lovely little piece. Thank you!

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 12 September 2009 23:40 (UTC)
Link

"I love how a typical day in CI5 inevitably includes a shootout." LOL

Cliche-ed I know. But they do lead such hectic lives those lads.

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probodie

(no subject)

from: probodie
date: 12 September 2009 23:23 (UTC)
Link

Ahhhh what a delightful look into what Bodie feels about Doyle - and it is, patently, love! I love particularly that last scene, in the car driving back and how much trust Doyle has for him that he can place his head on Bodie's shoulder and drift off to sleep.

All this and Auden too!!! *squee* My favourite boys and my favourite poet...gorgeous.

Reply | Thread

The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 12 September 2009 23:41 (UTC)
Link

Thank you, ma'am, glad to please.

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windrain10

(no subject)

from: windrain10
date: 13 September 2009 00:14 (UTC)
Link

This was fantastic. Perfect way to end the day, reading this. Thanks very much for writing and posting it.

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 21:42 (UTC)
Link

My pleasure.
gosh, the end of another day already, have only just made it to lj for the first time today.

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recycledmedia

(no subject)

from: recycledmedia
date: 13 September 2009 00:27 (UTC)
Link

Thanks so much for the story! It was perfect.

Reply | Thread

The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 21:43 (UTC)
Link

oh thank you, you are too kind.

That's a great icon ; )

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Gilda Elise

(no subject)

from: gilda_elise
date: 13 September 2009 00:39 (UTC)
Link

Ah, this is lovely. Especially at the last, I can clearly see Bodie slipping his arm around to hold Ray close. Great work.

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 21:44 (UTC)
Link

Thank you, entirely my pleasure.

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msmoat

(no subject)

from: msmoat
date: 13 September 2009 01:05 (UTC)
Link

Now, that's just nice. I love the image of Doyle sleeping--trusting--on Bodie in the back of the Escort as they speed towards Dover. It's absolutely right. And, yeah, Bodie's no fool. *g*

Thank you! After a six-day work week, this was most welcome.

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 21:45 (UTC)
Link

six-day week - eep. I hope you've had/are having a well deserved relaxing Sunday.
Pros fic as a tonic, I like that idea.

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sunray45

(no subject)

from: sunray45
date: 13 September 2009 01:15 (UTC)
Link

Lovely! Not sloppy at all, just Bodie finally giving in to his feelings and having a secret cuddle with Doyle.

Thank you. ♥

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 21:46 (UTC)
Link

Hi there - so glad you read and commented, and thanks for saying nice things.

Reply | Parent | Thread

Hambel

(no subject)

from: hambelandjemima
date: 13 September 2009 06:46 (UTC)
Link

Lovely :)

Reply | Thread

The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 21:47 (UTC)
Link

Thank you, ma'am.

"Lovely" that applies to those arms in your icon too!

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shooting2kill

(no subject)

from: shooting2kill
date: 13 September 2009 07:43 (UTC)
Link

This touched a lot of emotions - especially lines this:

I can deal with lust, admiration, respect, anything but this… this complete and utter trust he has in me. I’d be a fool not to love him.

Lovely! Thanks.

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 21:48 (UTC)
Link

oh thank you, so glad you liked it.

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andrea

(no subject)

from: andreathelion
date: 13 September 2009 09:17 (UTC)
Link

That was absolutely lovely, I thoroughly enjoyed the reading! :)
Thank you!

Reply | Thread

The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 21:49 (UTC)
Link

Thanks very much for reading, and for saying such nice things.
Writing about the lads is entirely my pleasure.

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norfolkdumpling

(no subject)

from: norfolkdumpling
date: 13 September 2009 09:22 (UTC)
Link

I did enjoy Bodie's gradual acceptance of his feelings for Ray.

I grin at you. “Come on, sunshine, let’s see if McCabe wants to pick up a couple of hitchhikers.”

You laugh, “Thumbs out?”

“Well don’t show a leg, that’ll put him right off.”


That made me laugh - so very them. *g*

Thank you. :)

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 21:51 (UTC)
Link

Thank you. I'm glad you picked that because I was beginning to think I should have just written the last scene, the sleeping on Bodie's shoulder bit, but I wanted that development and to give Bodie opportunities to deny loving Doyle, until finally he had to give in.

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jj_minerva

(no subject)

from: jj_minerva
date: 13 September 2009 11:00 (UTC)
Link

Catching up on Lj after a busy week and weekend and I find this little gem waiting to be read. Some wonderful moments snapshoting 'a day in the life of...' and so full of feeling. Bodie and poetry...What more could we ask for?

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 21:56 (UTC)
Link

I'm so glad that you made it to lj, and that you have said such nice things about my ficlet.

I suppose it's because I admire your writing, and you beta for me so much, I find myself writing and thinking 'would JJ like this? and how I've written it?'

My usual computer will be out of action for the next week, so no progress on that WIP, I'm sorry to say.

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firlefanzine

(no subject)

from: firlefanzine
date: 13 September 2009 11:16 (UTC)
Link

I don't know why, but I love the imagination of them in a car by night, with all passing lights of the other cars and street lamps and road signs, the landscape that you know it's there...
It's a special situation - and really Bodie knows: "I’d be a fool not to love him."

I love it!
Thanks!

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 21:56 (UTC)
Link

You and your vivid imagination. *vbg*

thanks!

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miwahni

(no subject)

from: miwahni
date: 13 September 2009 12:03 (UTC)
Link

Not soppy at all! Poignant and sweet, as Bodie finally comes to recognise his feelings for Doyle. Thank you for sharing.

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 21:59 (UTC)
Link

Thank you. I'm so glad you found it on the right side of mushiness.

'Soppy' from me also means 'not explicit sex'. *vbg*

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snail

(no subject)

from: snailbones
date: 13 September 2009 13:58 (UTC)
Link


If that's soppy, then I'm all for it *g*

I thought it was gorgeous - especially the last part in the car - you've caught that late night atmosphere beautifully. And Auden too, and you've even thrown in the soundtrack... you're too good to us *g*

Any hope you'll be making any more nice long car journeys in the near future? ::waggles eyebrows::

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 22:01 (UTC)
Link

Oh thank you!

Had to make exactly the same journey today, to collect son from his weekend camp. But it was daylight (beautiful sunshine, in fact, a rarity in Wales) and admiring the scenery and other people in the car and chatting and...no inspiration.

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jgraeme2007

(no subject)

from: jgraeme2007
date: 13 September 2009 14:33 (UTC)
Link

Really nicely done! As many have said, that image of them in the backseat, Doyle's head on Bodie's shoulder, light and shadow flashing across them -- that's a classic moment.

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 22:05 (UTC)
Link

Thank you.

'that's a classic moment.'

Is humble. It's remarkably not canon, although a pic posted at the Safehouse on ?Friday of Doyle nodding off on Bodie in 'Mixed Doubles' may have influenced the direction of my thoughts there.

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~ SCH ~

(no subject)

from: scherwood
date: 13 September 2009 14:42 (UTC)
Link

so cute~ :3 *snuggle*

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 22:06 (UTC)
Link

Aww, thanks. Sweet dreams, petal.

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heliophile_oxon

(no subject)

from: heliophile_oxon
date: 13 September 2009 16:47 (UTC)
Link

I cannot think of anything better to think about on your long way home - blissfully B&D. And Bodie coming round to the idea of what he feels ... and how appropriate is the Auden! Thank you!

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 22:08 (UTC)
Link

'blissfully B&D - ahh, well said.

'how appropriate is the Auden' indeed.
I even suspect the Pet Shop Boys song 'Liberation' owes something to the poem - the repetition of midnight for one thing. Intertextuality rules!

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Reader

(no subject)

from: siskiou
date: 13 September 2009 18:49 (UTC)
Link

Lovely look at Bodie pondering not love-love, and finally realizing he's already there, no matter what he rationalizes.

And Doyle falling asleep on Bodie's shoulder in the car was just wonderful. Fulfills a kink I never knew I had. *g*

Thanks! Please keep on writing more!

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 13 September 2009 22:10 (UTC)
Link

"Fulfills a kink I never knew I had." LOL.

So glad you liked it, and thank you for saying such nice things. Don't encourage me...

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Callisto

(no subject)

from: callistosh65
date: 14 September 2009 06:45 (UTC)
Link

Oh that's just wonderful. Bodie's narrative voice was spot on, and I loved how he kept trying to talk himself out of love.. and then ended up thinking of Auden with Doyle's head on his shoulder. ::happy sigh::

Thank you, this was such a treat.

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 14 September 2009 11:11 (UTC)
Link

You are too kind *g* Thanks for reading.

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Sarah K

(no subject)

from: tears_of_nienna
date: 14 September 2009 08:55 (UTC)
Link

Oh, I love this. Doyle asleep on Bodie's shoulder, and Bodie rationalizing that Doyle would be more comfortable with Bodie's arm around him...

I enjoyed the flip at the end, how he'd be a fool not to love Doyle, instead of a fool to love at all, like he'd insisted all along. Thanks for posting this!

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The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 14 September 2009 11:17 (UTC)
Link

Thanks for reading. That's where 'Liberation' comes in - someone who thinks love is foolish, but the simple thing of his lover sleeping on his shoulder makes him change his mind.

Edited at 2009-09-14 11:18 (UTC)

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vic

(no subject)

from: saintvic
date: 14 September 2009 23:08 (UTC)
Link

Well I am rather late as usual but I just wanted to echo everyone's comments and say that I really enjoyed this, the images you have produced are vivid and lovely. Thank you.

Reply | Thread

The new Salopian

(no subject)

from: constant_muse
date: 15 September 2009 11:38 (UTC)
Link

Thanks for reading and commenting, and I'm glad you liked it, ma'am.

It's usually me coming to posts late.

Was just musing this morning how everything moves so fast in lj-land, posts get buried beneath new posts on the f'list within hours, let alone days (and I have a very modest f'list). It doesn't encourage you to think about a post and come back to it with a reasoned, well thought out comment, a few days later. But then I thought the answer is that if one were to have something reasoned and well thought out to say (ahem), one could put it in a new post and restart the conversation there.

Oh dear, even your gorgeous posters post this mormning hasn't bounced me out of my serious think-y mood. Thanks for trying!

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